For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

- Mosiah 3:19

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Moving Forward

As I sat in my therapist's office, I unloaded about my Bishop and how I feel I've become a "cautionary tale," a story of what not to do. But I suppose this is the consequence of my behavior. There is still no word on a Disciplinary Council, it has now been almost a year and still nothing.

My Bishop called the other day, I looked at the phone and thought about ignoring the call, but answered. He asked how I was doing, I told him "OK." He seemed content with that, but I did not let him off that easy. I told him that I had not been reading the scriptures or praying for about a week, to which he quickly responded, "So you're not feeling the spirit." I replied, "Well honestly, I feel quite happy and content. I'm not sure I can tell the difference between how happy I feel now and the times when I had the spirit." He did not have a quick reply. I then added, "not to suggest there's a correlation to not reading the scriptures and feeling happy." He seemed to agree with that sentiment.

But I've decided that I can be single and celibate for a month, July 1st, I can decide if I would like to do that again. My therapist told me to break it down in to manageable time periods. Before, I thought "the only way I know how to stay in the church is to choose to be celibate for the rest of my life." My therapist agreed with the underlying logic, but said to break it down. And so for the month on June, I am single, celibate, and choose to be happy.

Now if I can just muster up the strength to read the scriptures.

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