For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

- Mosiah 3:19

Friday, June 24, 2011

Cheery Disposition

I envy people who have a cheery disposition. My friends tell me I have a permanent furrowed brow and that I intimidate people by my manner and probing gaze. Consequently, my friends tell me they are friends with me only because I approached them and complimented them about something. This being an indication that I'm not perpetually dissatisfied with the world.

Recently, though as I've decided to be willing to yield to God, I'm more happy and cheerful. How strange it is for me to think that, logically, taking steps in the darkness actually brings happiness and contentment. This morning I told God candidly that I have two desires: 1) a life with a man and 2) a life with The Son of Man. I told Him to teach me how to simply let go of both desires and simply focus on today; to be present in the now.

Doing so, I feel at peace again. I'm simply trusting God, despite all the uncertainty around that. I've decided that at this point I must simply be willing to believe; this goes against a lot of what I've been thinking for some time. But I submit. And what I'm learning is that cheer tends to follow.

I may not need to have surgery to fix my permanent furrowed brow, but I can be cheerful, even a-midst uncertainty.
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