So I'm obsessed with Abraham. Yesterday, I took the missionaries out to lunch, they think I'm this worthy, wise, spiritual guy. I try to tell them I'm not, but they tell me how modest and humble I am, I can't win. So I tried another tactic and told them about my struggles and thoughts I've had for months about leaving the church, they didn't believe me.
So during lunch, the missionaries as they tend to do, ask me doctrinal questions, crazy questions really, like "when did Jesus get ordained to the Priesthood?" I simply remind them, the point of their mission is to bring people to Christ, not to speculate. Anyhow, one missionary asked in a serious and somber tone, "Brother X, how do you deal with people who don't believe in God?"
I sat back and pondered for a moment and decided to share with them my own journey to discover God. As I related the story, I felt a confirmation that God was real; it was a good reminder. Later one asked about obedience, and I related to them the story of Abraham. Abraham has become my hero of late. I feel, at times, obedience is like giving up something really great for something really miserable. Certainly, Abraham may have felt so, but I think he didn't. He knew God: be knew he was real, but also had faith in his character, timing, mercy, grace, love, etc... He had 120 years of developing that faith, I've only had 32 (plus or minus a few).
Abraham. At the moment he was willing to sacrifice all, God gave it all back. I'm trying to be willing to sacrifice. I suppose now I need to pray.
This is a story of a gay mormon man struggling to find God. *The posts are honest and real, as such some posts may be for mature readers. I do this not to re-live the past, but to be sure that I am honest with myself and with God, in an attempt to truly "see" my weakness.
For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.
- Mosiah 3:19
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ReplyDeleteFunny how people get reduced to doctrinal assurances once the fearful topic of how real is God and how do we experience that reality is brought up.
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