Are ye stripped of pride? I told Father this morning that a desire remains to be with a man: emotionally, spiritually, and physically. The desire remains. For years I oft pretended I knew who God was; I read the scriptures, really I did. I prayed and fasted, really! I studied church publications, searching to understand God. But I was looking for a God that would conform to my expectations! The desire of wanting to be with a man hindered my full view of God. I saw God through the lens of that desire.
It was not until recently that I have recognized that I don't really know God. I know He's there, but I don't really know Him. Acknowledging that I do not know Him is humbling, I had to put away everything I thought I knew, all the theories of His character I could recite, I had to put away. As I do, I continually feel vulnerable, but I am able to speak to God again, for the first time.
As I have talked with Father, I simply trust that as I continue to talk with Him, I will come to know Him. This is the fresh view about God. I trust that as I continue to talk with Him, and study the scriptures that in some way the balm of gilead will be applied. Does that mean I will not have the desires to be with a man? I don't know.
All I know is I can step into the dark, trusting God knows what's there.
I have realised that it is easy to know about God. It is easy to list off facts, but that is not enough for me, and I hope that is never enough for me. I want to know God. I want to know him like I know my friends. I think this is what you are talking about in your post. I don't always know what I can do to make that happen. Maybe it is something I cannot do, and it comes only as God chooses to reveal himself to me. It the meantime then, think you present a good option. Talk to God and study the scriptures.
ReplyDelete