For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

- Mosiah 3:19

Friday, April 8, 2011

A fresh view about God

Are ye stripped of pride? I told Father this morning that a desire remains to be with a man: emotionally, spiritually, and physically. The desire remains. For years I oft pretended I knew who God was; I read the scriptures, really I did. I prayed and fasted, really! I studied church publications, searching to understand God. But I was looking for a God that would conform to my expectations! The desire of wanting to be with a man hindered my full view of God. I saw God through the lens of that desire.

It was not until recently that I have recognized that I don't really know God. I know He's there, but I don't really know Him. Acknowledging that I do not know Him is humbling, I had to put away everything I thought I knew, all the theories of His character I could recite, I had to put away. As I do, I continually feel vulnerable, but I am able to speak to God again, for the first time.

As I have talked with Father, I simply trust that as I continue to talk with Him, I will come to know Him. This is the fresh view about God. I trust that as I continue to talk with Him, and study the scriptures that in some way the balm of gilead will be applied. Does that mean I will not have the desires to be with a man? I don't know.

All I know is I can step into the dark, trusting God knows what's there.

1 comment:

  1. I have realised that it is easy to know about God. It is easy to list off facts, but that is not enough for me, and I hope that is never enough for me. I want to know God. I want to know him like I know my friends. I think this is what you are talking about in your post. I don't always know what I can do to make that happen. Maybe it is something I cannot do, and it comes only as God chooses to reveal himself to me. It the meantime then, think you present a good option. Talk to God and study the scriptures.