For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

- Mosiah 3:19

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Baffling Questions and Tofu

Yesterday I had lunch with a guy from my ward. Several weeks ago, in a fit of frustration (after meeting with my Bishop), I was ready to leave the church completely, but felt something higher than me tell me that church was where I ought to be. I shared this experience in Elder's Quorum, telling the quorum that I'm at church, despite me not wanting to be there, because I felt impressed that was where I needed to be. I told them that I still think the best option for me is simply to leave.

After I shared my experience, a guy I barely knew approached me and told me that he also had many doubts about the church, he wanted to thank me being honest and let me know that other people in the church struggle with the doctrine. I was touched by that simple act of love and service. I sent him a note several days later to thank him for his efforts in reaching out.

We had lunch yesterday. As we talked, he then asked why I was wanting to leave the church, so I was honest and explained to him what has been going on. He sat there and expressed his empathy, it was a bit uncomfortable, as I was not entirely sure what his motives were (He is not gay.). I had told him about the dilemma that I face of standing at the head of diverging paths, both representing pain. I explained that even if I were to find a partner, I would know that that relationship would not be condoned by God. He sat there shocked a bit and asked, "Do you really believe that it would not be condoned by God?"

I was taken aback by that query, but realized something deep within actually believes that. It's that spiritual reality that's alive somewhere deep within my breast that keeps me in the church, hoping against hope that somehow and in someway God will fill that hole in my soul for companionship.


  1. I was wondering when the tofu would come up...
    I do like curry tofu!

  2. I feel the same way. Frequently I'm not sure why I stick around but every time I contemplate leaving something tells me stay. As for Tofu it rocks!