It has been a while. I think I am on the right track, but I can never feel certain. Feeling tug me in different directions, and fear keeps me from doing things I would otherwise be doing.
I talked with my Stake President and recited to him my transgressions. Shameful and embarrassing as it is, I did this to bring me closer to God.
I feel the weight of what I have done. I am coming to recognize the seriousness of breaking sacred covenants. I made a promise with God; I broke that promise.
But now I seek the forgiving hand of Heaven; I seek to be forgiven of what I have done by my Father. I seek the grace of Heaven, however unworthy I feel of that grace.
But coming to this realization has really helped me to see my weakness in a different light. I have come to have low regard for the covenants I have made. I did not fully understand what I was doing, nor was I spiritually cognizant. I made these covenants, because that is what one does.
I don't feel lost anymore, but I do feel estranged from Heaven. I suppose I need to learn how to forgive myself.
The carnal desires remain, I think I can control them. But time will tell. I pray for the strength to overcome.
Congratulations on coming to the point where you want forgiveness enough to humbly confess and desire to forsake. I too took lightly the covenants I made. It has been a long process of humbling and reconversion, but absolutely worth it.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your counsel and wisdom learned from experience. It is encouraging!
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