For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.

- Mosiah 3:19

Monday, September 27, 2010

Failure and success

Most of the time I feel like a failure. I look at the brothers in my ward and I envy them. They appear to be faithful. But mostly, I envy them, because, in my mind, they do not view pornography or masturbate. I wonder why I feel like a failure.

I'm enslaved by my addiction to pornography and to masturbation. When I go without one, I usually slip and do the other. When and how does this stop?

I have slipped at least once a week for the past seven weeks. I pray for strength. But then I realize that there is a part of me that does not fully trust God. Perhaps it's because I don't really know who He is. I hope I can come to know who He is. But I suppose that comes by first trusting in Him.

Why is it so hard to trust God? There is a part of me that assumes I can do this of my own accord, yet I know I can't. Why am I so stubborn?

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