Reflexive Thinking

So I've taken to thinking deeply about why homosexuality itself is sinful. It seems that much of the discourse pivots and rests on the one-dimensional issue of sex. As I've thought about how mortality is to (some measure) reflect the eternities, it seems to me that homosexuality is sinful not because of the act of sex, but rather because that type of relationship deviates from the assumption that celestial marriage and deification rests on a norm of heterosexuality. If that is the case, then we must assume that Heavenly Father and Mother are in a heterosexual marriage and further that they must procreate in the same manner as mortals do. While this is certainly pure speculation, it does beg a number of questions. Perhaps one day when I'm not terribly busy writing my dissertation I can attempt to address them in some meaningful way.

I met a guy the other day. He's religious gay Jew - incredibly bright, kind and articulate. We talked about G-d and the foundational commandments in Genesis and he shared with me the midrash or technique of studying the Torah (or the first five books of Moses). It's amazing how much talking with people in similar crisis of identity and faith brings one a sense of hope! He recommended a book, so I'm now reading "Wrestling with God and Men" by Steven Greenberg - so far I'm digging it. More so for helping me to expand my lexicon for talking about homosexuality and more importantly for helping to quell the internal burning questions, or at least put them at ease.

I've been sober now for several weeks. And I feel great. I hope it continues. The guy I met, while attractive and bright, is merely a friend. It's nice being able to talk with people not in the church at deep and meaningful levels where conversation is not bounded by normative injunctions of appropriateness. Being able to explore the spectrum of a single question is wonderful.

Reading this literature and having conversations is a way for me "study it out in my mind..." In all of this I am simply humbled by the expressions of God's love. I read in the Book of Mormon daily, and today I read of how Nephi "persuades the Lord" to cause a famine in the land. The famine came but affected the righteous and "wicked," yet that famine was also a mechanism or expression of God's love. The famine was to persuade those to see God, or rather to see how hopeless their lives were and to seek a Higher Power that could save them physically and spiritually.

The more I read in the discourse on sexuality and religion and talk with gifted friends (like my gay Jewish friend), the more I realize how little I know. He is coming to sense the same, as a result we come to find ourselves stretched in prayer seeking guidance to make sense of our lives and live in way that comports with Heaven.